North South divide

Talking to one of my pupils today we had the following conversation.

Pupil :- "Have you been busy?"

Me:- "Yes, very busy this week, I have had five tests."

Pupil:- "Did they pass?"

Me:- "Yes, all of them!"

Pupil:- "One of my friends failed this week."

Me:- "Oh, really, what happened?"

Pupil:- "He nearly ran over an old granny and a mother pushing a pushchair, the examiner had to use the brakes to stop him."

Me:-" How did he manage that?"

Pupil:- "Oh, he's from up north"

I guess that explains it then.

Aren't human adults great fun? I mean how can anyone think of stuff as funny as we write in our blogs; Even if they were not genuine I'm sure they would not lack anything, but the fact is they are all (as far as I'm aware) totally straight.

Lady calls (with strong west indian accent) "Hello" She says "What do I need to do to become a driving instructor?"

Well at this my ears prick up and a few £ signs flash before my eyes, after all just another 30 instructors and I can probably retire!

In my calmest voice I start to explain "You need to have held a full UK driving licence for 3.5 years and then you......" I tailed off as she interrupted "Oh" (deep sigh) "you need to be a driver do you?"

Silence from me. Unusual, but profound!

.....a bit mutton!

A large part of my tuition involves making sure that my pupils are made more aware of vunerable road users and pedestrians.
Sometimes during the question and answer sessions some very amusing thought processes are exposed.
Question: "How would you identify a deaf person by looking at them?",
Answer: "I would know that if the deaf person was talking to himself!"
(sign language).
Not quite the answer I was looking for.

Question: "Did you know that deaf people sometimes have hearing dogs?"
Answer: "No!"
Question: " What colour might you think the leads and collars are on hearing dogs?"
Answer: "Don't know!"
Explanation: "The leads and collars for hearing dogs are luminous orange in colour".


Question: "How could you tell if a pedestrian was blind by looking at them?"
Answer: "He would have a guide dog."
Question: "Excellent, what colour would the lead and collar be on the guide dog?"
Answer: "Bright yellow!"
Question "Excellent! How else could you identify a blind person?"
Answer: "They would have a white stick"
Question: "That's right! How then would you know if a person was deaf and blind?"
Answer: "They would have a yellow dog and an orange dog!"

(Look to heavens for inspiration.)

Correct answer should have been that the white stick would have 2 red bands around it half way up.

Bless 'em!