Extenuating Circumstances

We've had a brilliant poem sent in by our very own talented Mr Hardy - enjoy!

Extenuating Circumstances

My wife is the world's worst driver
Of this I am quite sure
She crashes with such startling regularity
That the mechanics are beginning to bore

Our insurance premiums reach new heights
Each time she takes to the road
Local drivers show panic and fear
When they see whom that white Corsa holds

Of course in this she is blameless
It can be no fault of her own
There were extenuating circumstances
That she would explain when she got home

Now once whilst driving to work
Just minding business of her own
She collided with a new pick up
With good reason she had to intone

She has this fear of spiders you see
Irrational though it may be
And one actually had the audacity
To come down and land on her knee

The fear and the panic she felt then
Meant that she lost all reasoning
Until she conjoined with that pick up
Which left us financially reeling

And the one time that she drove my car
She reversed into the kitchen wall
That was down to the power steering
You see it wasn't her fault at all

But I think that the best one of all
That she somehow managed to do
Was the day she forgot to put on her handbrake
And ended up smashing my car too

That was the fault of the handbrake
You see it had too much play
And it would have gone into the neighbour's car
If mine had not got in the way

There are many more incidents
But I feel no need to go on
I am quite sure that you get the picture
Of the knife-edge I constantly live on

One good thing, however, to come from this
Is that we seem to have made many friends
But then there isn't a car in the neighbourhood
We have not been responsible to mend

So I try not to think any more
Of the troubles my wife puts us through
I just mind my own business
And swallow a tablet or two


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